why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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