We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER