you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
