I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip