dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live