I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog