Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
