I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
