I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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