Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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