All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
