She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
