Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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