May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
