If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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