I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
