People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
