do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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