I wish I could teleport
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
