I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
