I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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