im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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