how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
