wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
