Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I forgot how hot balto sounded
it glows. i had to have it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
