Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
