i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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