handjob tips. give me some.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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