Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
