You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
