Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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