the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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