So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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