I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
