I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
