I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
