never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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