she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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