There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I bet he comes in French.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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