I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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