i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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