Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
