I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
