we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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