I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
