Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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