Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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