Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
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The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
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Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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