I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Randomize
