I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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