dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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