You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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