why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
