If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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