I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
