she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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