Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
