College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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