My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
