got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
