Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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