Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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