Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
