last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
