I will die if light touches me.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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