Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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