I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
