You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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