Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
