Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
