you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
