Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
