I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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