Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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