Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
