The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
