I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
