Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
