I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I need a burrito and a hug.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
