This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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