I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
YAS. BRING CRAB.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
