I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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