I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
