he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
