Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
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Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
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I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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