bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
should my penis look like a turkey
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
