Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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